Fair and Equal

These days, in many marriages men are becoming more “woke” to imbalanced invisible labor and the importance of realigning responsibilities, especially when both partners are working parents. A new Gallup study shows that even though men agree with the idea of gender equity in the home, the reality is that roles often fall according to gendered lines with women taking on most of the tasks around childcare and managing the household. However, and here is the rub, the same study shows that a majority of men think they are doing an equal share. That’s what Fair Play is all about– it’s a system for families to look clearly at the tasks that go into maintaining their family and deciding who and how they get done. It’s not always going to wind up being equal, but it should be transparent and honest and up for negotiation. 

 

Eve Rodsky, the creator of Fair Play, offered to coach two lucky Second Shift members as they reorganize their family responsibilities using the Fair Play system. Marlo and Pia (names are changed to protect their privacy) generously offered to let us follow their journey. Here are their initial thoughts as they start Eve’s process. 

 

Marlo:

 

How long have you been married?

11 years

 

How many kids and ages?

3 kids (ages 6, 9 & 11)

 

Where do you live?

Miami Beach

 

What inspired you to apply for a Fair Play bootcamp?

I read the book and loved it.  It resonated with me more than any other book I’ve read regarding the challenges I face trying to balance work and home responsibilities.

 

What makes you excited to work with Eve?

I am hoping that she can help me get my husband on board with implementing the program.  He is more hands-on and helpful around the house than many other husbands/dads I know, but I think he is afraid that the program is an attack on him and criticism of him not doing enough when he feels he does a lot.  I am excited to work with Eve so she can help me reframe the goal of the program and get him on board.

 

What is the ultimate goal and what does success look like?

My goals are to reduce the amount of home-related things that I’ve become solely responsible for and create clearer expectations with my husband as to who is responsible for what.

 

Was your partner/spouse on board? Has he/she read Fair Play?

He has not read fair play and has resisted reading it.  He claims to be on board with the book and with working with Eve, but I think he’s a bit afraid that it’s going to be an attack on him.

 

Pia

 

How long have you been married?

6 years in April 

 

How many kids and ages?

3 kids (12, 10, 2)

 

Where do you live?

NYC

 

What inspired you to apply for a Fair Play bootcamp?

The desire to have a stronger partnership 

 

What makes you excited to work with Eve?

She has amazing experience and insight on this topic

 

What is the ultimate goal and what does success look like?

More balanced approach and feeling like we can prioritize each other’s priorities as if they were our own

 

Was your partner/spouse on board? Have he/she read Fair Play?

My partner is on board. Neither of us has read FairPlay. 

 

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Women on Fire! Join us March 9th.

In honor of International Women’s Day we hope you will join us for a special performance  of Women on Fire: Storie’s from the Frontlines:

 

 

This group of true stories was collected by writer and artistic director Chris Henry as she explores the “State of the United States” from different cultural, socio-economic, and diverse perspectives. The all-female cast will be complemented with a modern dance element choreographed by Lorna Ventura with original music by Lars Jacobsen.

 

 

The Second Shift team has a block of tickets set aside for our members, friends and allies. Please join us and stay after the show to hear Chris Henry and some of the performers talk about the making of the show.

  • Women on Fire: Stories from the Frontlines
    written by Chris Henry and As Told by a Group of Anonymous Women
    choreographed by Lorna Ventura.
  • The Royal Family Performing Arts Space
    145 West 46th Street, 3rd Floor
    New York, NY 10036
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Comeback Careers with Ginny Brzezinski

Ginny Brzesinski and her sister-in-law Mika (you may have heard of her) have a new book out about making a career comeback in your 40s, 50s and beyond. It’s filled with valuable insights and advice from experts (including our co-founder Jenny Galluzzo) as well as a roadmap to pivot or relaunch a career. We had the chance to ask Ginny about her personal experience and inspiration for writing Career Comeback.

 

Tell us about your own personal journey and how that inspired you and Mika to write this book? 

I spent 12 years on Capitol Hill as a press secretary — a job I loved.  When my boss, Senator Bill Roth of Delaware, lost his re-election bid, I was 7 months pregnant with my second child and my oldest was barely one.  I took that election loss as my own personal off-ramp and embraced being an at home mom for seven years. When the kids were school aged, I got my real estate license and set up a business in residential real estate sales, a career that gave me flexibility and did not require a commute.

 

Fast forward ten years…as my kids were getting ready to fly the nest, it occurred to me that it was time for me to fly the nest as well — to seize the opportunity to do something meaningful and challenging, something I could love for the next 20 years.  I saw my kids transitioning into super exciting things, and I thought, why not me? But I had no idea how to do that – who changes careers or starts something new in their fifties? I did not know what that would look like or how I would get there…or if I was crazy since I was…gasp…over 50!  It was the perfect midlife storm.

 

So one morning as I was sitting there, contemplating how to make my next move and watching Mika on Morning Joe talking about her Know Your Value movement, it occurred to me that Know Your Value could help women like me who did not lean in or who had hopscotched their work life around kids.  I also felt that Know Your Value was not talking to women in Mika’s and my own age group. We “mature” women (seriously, we need to come up with new, more flattering verbiage here) have different wants and needs and challenges than Millennials. I thought that Know Your Value could help. So I texted Mika (it may or may not have been an all caps text…) and said KYV needs to help women like me, stat!  We have value too! And Mika texted back (while live on air, no less): Let’s do something together – join the team and we’ll write a book.

 

At the time, I didn’t think she literally meant a book.  I mean, who just says, let’s write a book? But I said yes, and here we are.

 

In researching this book, what was the most surprising you discovered?

I was surprised at how many women (like me!) had insecurities about their age and career zig zags.  To me, they appeared totally together, intelligent, amazing, experienced and strong. For so many, their confidence in the career area was crushed.  That’s why we came up with the #strongerwiserbetter hashtag. We all need a little reminder of how awesome we are, and how much value we have.

 

What do you think are the most important attributes that predict success in a career comeback?

The women I talked to who had successfully returned, transitioned, or started something new had been resilient, unafraid of failing, willing to learn new things, intellectually curious and they didn’t give up.  If they were returning after a career break, they had also been realistic about starting over and willing to play the long game – they realized that their first job back might be a lower level or for less pay, but that they would prove themselves and rise.

 

What is the goal of this platform and what do you hope to teach women about how to think about their career paths?

We wanted to know: how do you reboot, relaunch, return to, or reinvent a career at age 50?  Or 40? Or 60? And how can you create a career and life that provides purpose and financial security at age 50 and beyond?  With this book, we created a road map to find that comeback career, from revving up your networks to rebooting your resume and aligning your digital footprint with your goals — all through the 50+ lens. But as importantly, we help with the inner journey – rewiring your mindset, calling BS on ageism and building confidence.

 

Women often psych themselves out before they even get started—what do you advise women who lack confidence or think they cannot have a new career in their 40s and 50s?

We learned so much about the fears and deeply personal feelings women have when they are looking to make a comeback after midlife.  We put up barriers and find reasons why we can’t do things. Just get started – make it a priority.

 

A few mini tips from our book —

 

Build confidence through knowledge and expertise.   Make sure your skills and knowledge are relevant – relevancy trumps age every time!  Check out the LinkedIn profiles of people who are in jobs similar to ones you might be interested in.  Compare their resume to yours and see where you might need to brush up or fill in skills. Take a volunteer or pro bono project to freshen your resume.  Keep up with your industry, so when you are ready to go back you are conversant and knowledgeable in interviews.

 

Own your story.  Don’t apologize or be embarrassed about a career break or your age!

 

Rev up your network — 85% of jobs are found through connections – start having strategic conversations with people and let them know you are interested in returning or transitioning to a new field.  People want to be helpful – they may not have a job for you, but they may be able to connect you with someone in the field.

 

There is so much fear in this process!  But don’t fear failure — fear never trying!

 

Most of all, call BS on ageism, starting with the ageist narrative in your own head.  Turn your age into an advantage! Remember, with your age not only comes wisdom, maturity and experience, but you are more available – no more maternity leaves (!), no more carpools (or fewer), so much less drama.  You can put 120% into something, and that is a huge selling point.

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Tell Us Your Story!

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The Second Shift and Microsoft take on the “gig economy!”

 

Microsoft was one of the first employee partners we had at The Second Shift, hiring one of our members even before we had the site up and running. And in the years that we have been working together, the “gig economy” team has gone from a few visionaries to an entire cross functional team dedicated to leaning into the freelance economy.

 

When this team asked our co-founder Gina to speak at their Future to Work conference earlier this month she used it as an opportunity to introduce more than 400 employees and partners to The Second Shift and our incredible members. To balance out a day filled with research presentations and panel discussions on productivity, Gina told the story of Marie Thomasson, who found a way to balance her career and life as a single mom of twins with the remote work she did for Microsoft over almost two years. Using this real life example, the audience was given insight into why our members work this way and how valuable they can be to full-time employees.  

 

We are thrilled to be a part of the company wide program that will be rolled out at Microsoft and hope to bring you lots and lots of opportunities!

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Featured Member: Brooke Sanita

 

When we founded The Second Shift, Brooke Sanita was precisely the kind of member we hoped to serve. Passionate about her profession, dedicated to her family, working hard to make work work without sacrificing everything else that mattered to her in the bargain. We are so proud to cast a spotlight on her journey and share her insights with all of you.
 
Tell us your work story : Who are you and what do you do?
I am an attorney who has practiced commercial, bankruptcy, and business litigation for over 10 years. I am also a mom of 3 young children, ages 6, 5 and 3.
 
What is your proudest professional accomplishment?
Winning my first trial where I represented a foreign buyer from Israel, prepared the case and the witness (while he resided in Israel), and litigated the entire trial on my own—and won. I was the only woman in that courtroom other than the court reporter and I was 9 months pregnant.
 
What is the hardest challenge you’ve faced, work-wise?
Juggling motherhood and work.
 
If you could change one thing about how your given field operates, particularly with regards to women, what would it be and why?
I wish the law would embrace mothers and let lawyers have the professional independence to work and be there for their families. It feels like you have to choose.
 
What advice do you have for other women looking to make a career change but who are afraid or lack confidence? How is it on the other side? 
It’s wonderful to be in control of your own life and to not regret spending time with your family.
 
What continues to draw you to your chosen field and what do you hope to accomplish in the years ahead?
I really love the law and I hope to be able to make it work for me and my family.
 
Who has been your biggest cheerleader / supporter / mentor?
My parents.
 
If you could tell your younger self one thing about what this professional journey would be like, what would you tell her? 
You are going to want more than just a career so set yourself up in an area of law that is conducive to work-life balance.
 
How do you make work work for you?
I’m looking for opportunities that allow me professional independence and trying to learn how to ask for what I need without apologizing.
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Network like a pro!

 

Networking through your own personal connections is the easiest and most efficient way to maintain contacts who already know you and can vouch for you.  However, it’s important to extend your reach outside of your own network and there are simple ways to do this using social media and Slack.

 

Here is a round-up of some basic ways to connect with like minded professional women through simple on-line networking groups.

 

LinkedIn: https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-ways-to-get-the-most-out-of-linkedin-groups

 

Facebook: https://www.forbes.com/sites/stephanienewman/2018/07/26/why-you-should-join-these-7-facebook-groups-for-women-entrepreneurs/#2ce20e7314a0

 

Slack: https://fortune.com/2016/02/09/women-network-slack-group/

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Featured Member: Marie Thomasson

We will never tire of reading our Featured Member Q+As. Each one is packed full of wisdom and one-of-a-kind insights for navigating a meaningful life, professionally and personally. Marie Thomasson’s is no different. A self-described “mom, practitioner of risk, facilitator of dreams and ambitions,” Thomasson certainly knows a thing or two about setting your own star and charting your own journey. Here, she shares what she’s learned along the way … so far.
Tell us your work story : Who are you and what do you do?
Today, my focus is to bring the world of money, investing, and business into the female dialogue. I am passionate about the idea that, as a gender, we need to grab the reins in our own way, utilizing our strength as women to look at money and our relationship with it in a positive, empowering way. When we stop looking for someone to save us—or realize we are smart enough, capable enough—to do and achieve whatever we desire and dream of, we take action towards more than just our goals.
 
What is your proudest professional accomplishment?
My proudest professional moment has been the ability to step away from full-time corporate work and create a life that aligns with my values, with so much of that due to the Second Shift. I did what I thought was impossible as a single mother of twins.
 
What is the hardest challenge you’ve faced, work-wise?
I’ve found that it’s far easier to work for someone else, on their timelines and deliverables, than self-imposed ones. Even today, it requires a great deal of discipline to ensure that tasks are completed that are “important but not urgent” when the only accountability is to myself.
 
If you could change one thing about how your given field operates, particularly with regards to women, what would it be and why?
I believe financial services lacks integrity and authenticity, and I feel that more inclusion of women would help change that. As a woman and a mother, it’s very difficult to find work in financial that enables you to have a balanced home/work life without feeling guilty.
 
What advice do you have for other women looking to make a career change but who are afraid or lack confidence? How is it on the other side? 
I don’t know that our journey is ever finished. For instance, I kept waiting for my personal situation to change (i.e. be in a romantic partnership) to finally step forward on my goals and ambitions. At a certain point, I decided to stop waiting and take a risk on myself. There is no failure because I never stop moving forward. I believe the simple act of doing will give you the confidence you’re seeking, so what are you waiting for?
 
Do you have any advice on how to craft a winning pitch?
Yes! Don’t repeat your resume! We’re all human and these pitches aren’t getting reviewed by bots, so ditch the key words and focus of delivering your pitch in a warm, engaging tone.
 
What continues to draw you to your chosen field and what do you hope to accomplish in the years ahead?
The moment I recognized my strength as my interpersonal skills and not my number crunching, everything shifted. I am gratified by each and every client I work with to find the narrative behind their numbers. For me, moving from working with institutions to individual, the people in the pension funds, I’ve created a career that I see no longer as a paycheck, but as a calling. To me that’s the ultimate accomplishment, and I am simply grateful for each day I continue along that path.
 
What is the best piece of professional advice you’ve ever received? 
Outsource!
 
Who has been your biggest cheerleader / supporter / mentor?
My former boss, Louis Lucido, has been an incredible mentor and supporter of mine. And I’d have to follow him up with Loren Pokorny, whom I had the pleasure of working with at Microsoft, through the Second Shift platform. Working with Loren was pivotal as it was the first experience I had where I felt that I could “do” the self-employment thing, in a way that really aligned with my life.
 
How do you negotiate the balance between life and work when you’re the one setting the boundaries? 
Get clear! Only recently I sat down with a group of women in a mastermind and realized that if I’m honest with myself, I can’t work a full-time schedule if I want balance of any kind in my life. I was putting so much on my plate that I was not enjoying my time with my kids, and that pretty much defeats the purpose of why I’ve chosen to chart this path!
 
If you could tell your younger self one thing about what this professional journey would be like, what would you tell her?
Loyalty, first and foremost, to oneself. 
 
How do you make work work for you?
I have created a life and lifestyle that allows me to work when I want, with whom I want, and how I want. I can’t ask for more.
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The Juggle: Mita Mallick!

It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

It’s all about finding the balance.
These are the kind of truisms women are told every day in myriad ways. And while they may be truisms because there is truth in them, the fact remains that for us to find our way, run the race, keep the course, we must all too often do so without the infrastructural support necessary to stay in the game, much less thrive. And, yet, here we are, storming the corridors of power, at home and at work, rewriting the rules, questioning the “facts.” Stride by stride, brick by brick, we are walking new paths, creating new infrastructures. And we are boldly giving voice to our own idiosyncratic, individual, and very personal truths.
We contain multitudes, that’s for sure. And this deserves more than mere recognition. It deserves celebration. Enter The Juggle, a new column from The Second Shift and PureWow, that seeks to explore, understand, illuminate, and elevate the ways in which women navigate the nitty gritty of their daily lives. This isn’t about the major achievements—the corporate promotion, the company launch, the hard-won path to motherhood—but the small successes of keeping all the balls in the air, or just trying to. Here is where we embrace the sweetnesses and struggles, the triumphs and imperfections of the everyday.

Our first feature is Mita Mallick— Head of Diversity and Inclusion and Unilever, mother of 2, wife and our friend. We are thrilled to showcase the many ways she is a total badass. This feature will run weekly and the group of women are a total inspiration!

Excited to share this with you!

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The Secret Lives of Working Parents

A note from Jenny:

 

The idea of normalizing the conversation about parenting in the workplace is very important.  A recent personal story written in The Atlantic highlights the importance of candor about the realities of family in the workplace and the lengths people go, ineffectually, to hide one side from the other:

“Why would people do this? Why pretend kids are of “little importance”? When work and parenting seem at odds—because our culture tells us they’re at odds—mothers and fathers feel forced to demonstrate their commitment to one (the work side) by minimizing their concern for the other (the parenting side). They do not want their bosses to think they are anything other than 100 percent committed. “

Employees cannot feel afraid of what might make someone else uncomfortable– aren’t they told by leadership to “bring your whole-self to work?” I am the boss and just this morning I was fearful about revealing a personal detail at work– I realized too late that I booked a meeting with a (female) investor too close to my son’s birthday party. I thought about pretending it was a different conflict but then decided to bring my “whole-self” to the conversation. I owned up to the mistake and the reason why I had to reschedule–it felt scary but freeing to choose to make be bold and vulnerable. Ultimately, if the investor didn’t get it then I don’t want to do business with them.

At The Second Shift, we try to create a world where we don’t compartmentalize life and work. I don’t want my employees to waste time and energy trying to figure out how to make it to ballet or to a doctor appointment with an ill parent. Better they just do their job efficiently and are responsible– I do this myself and need to trust them to be grown ups and do the same.

“Put simply, mothers and fathers ought to come clean about the nature of their lives. We can’t fix problems that we pretend don’t exist; we can’t improve the lot of parents at work if we pretend we aren’t parents.”

 

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