These days, in many marriages men are becoming more “woke” to imbalanced invisible labor and the importance of realigning responsibilities, especially when both partners are working parents. A new Gallup study shows that even though men agree with the idea of gender equity in the home, the reality is that roles often fall according to gendered lines with women taking on most of the tasks around childcare and managing the household. However, and here is the rub, the same study shows that a majority of men think they are doing an equal share. That’s what Fair Play is all about– it’s a system for families to look clearly at the tasks that go into maintaining their family and deciding who and how they get done. It’s not always going to wind up being equal, but it should be transparent and honest and up for negotiation.
Eve Rodsky, the creator of Fair Play, offered to coach two lucky Second Shift members as they reorganize their family responsibilities using the Fair Play system. Marlo and Pia (names are changed to protect their privacy) generously offered to let us follow their journey. Here are their initial thoughts as they start Eve’s process.
Marlo:
How long have you been married?
11 years
How many kids and ages?
3 kids (ages 6, 9 & 11)
Where do you live?
Miami Beach
What inspired you to apply for a Fair Play bootcamp?
I read the book and loved it. It resonated with me more than any other book I’ve read regarding the challenges I face trying to balance work and home responsibilities.
What makes you excited to work with Eve?
I am hoping that she can help me get my husband on board with implementing the program. He is more hands-on and helpful around the house than many other husbands/dads I know, but I think he is afraid that the program is an attack on him and criticism of him not doing enough when he feels he does a lot. I am excited to work with Eve so she can help me reframe the goal of the program and get him on board.
What is the ultimate goal and what does success look like?
My goals are to reduce the amount of home-related things that I’ve become solely responsible for and create clearer expectations with my husband as to who is responsible for what.
Was your partner/spouse on board? Has he/she read Fair Play?
He has not read fair play and has resisted reading it. He claims to be on board with the book and with working with Eve, but I think he’s a bit afraid that it’s going to be an attack on him.
Pia
How long have you been married?
6 years in April
How many kids and ages?
3 kids (12, 10, 2)
Where do you live?
NYC
What inspired you to apply for a Fair Play bootcamp?
The desire to have a stronger partnership
What makes you excited to work with Eve?
She has amazing experience and insight on this topic
What is the ultimate goal and what does success look like?
More balanced approach and feeling like we can prioritize each other’s priorities as if they were our own
Was your partner/spouse on board? Have he/she read Fair Play?
My partner is on board. Neither of us has read FairPlay.